Remember that book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? I remember when that book came out. I thought, what a bunch of gah-bage (that's how I say garbage, like I'm from the jersey shore). I thought men and women are of one race....the human race. At this time, I had a large group of friends that encompassed boys and girls. Both genders seemed to get along marvelously. We spent time talking on the phone, hanging out, and going to sporting events. I do not recall ever feeling as though I was having to speak another language to get my point across. And, thus, this was the utopia in which my formative years were spent. Then, well, then, began the slow descent into what communicating with men is really like...
It really is like communicating in a different language. It's like trying to speak to an alien from outer space. Sometimes, I have to stop and wonder, how are we even living on the same planet right now? Don't get me started on people that have actually mastered how to live with one of these creatures. I know, I'm no picnic either. I'm sensitive, neurotic, and becoming increasingly paranoid with each new man I meet and seem to think I'm going to date. Now, I'm not saying, men are bad, or inherently have unwell intentions. I might be saying that in later posts, however. I am only saying, that every time I try to speak with a man, it is one of the single most frustrating experiences of life. That is all.
Thankfully, I KNOW this difference in communication styles is not in my head. Although, some male that reads this will probably try to tell me that it is. Because, as you know, according to many males, women are crazy, and they create bizarre situations in their head. But, the scientists are with me on this one. There has been study after study done on the subject of boy brains and girl brains. There is a genetic difference in the make-up of male brains versus female ones. Boys and girls perform different in co-ed classrooms, women are apt to use far more language in a day than a man is, learning is actually different in the male brain than it is in the girl brain, and the list goes on and on. The differences are outstanding.
ABC ran a televised special once that posed the question, "What if one brain has a larger center of communication than the other?" In short, they discovered that this may be possible in the female brain. Obviously. I might even argue, that not only is it bigger...but better. Seriously, if I am trying to start conversation whilst walking through the mall with you (man) and I say, "Hey ya know what's cool about the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory?" And man says, "Huh?" I say, giddily, "They SLICE their caramel apples!" Man crinkles his nose and responds, "Yuck! I hate caramel apples." Awkward silence ensues. Now, let's go back. Let's rewind the situation and break it down. I'm trying to create conversation because I want to connect with man. Man is content to walk all day holding my hand and think there is "connection." I try to make a comment that would be informative and, also, give man a glimpse into something I like. Man rejects/does not notice this and instead makes a semi-rude comment. Did I ask him to like caramel apples? I did not. Did I deserve this outlandish reaction of the nose crinkle? I did not. Did I simply want for him to acknowledge the fact that a sliced caramel apple is far superior to an unsliced caramel apple? I did. Let us now go through how the scenario could have been different and, thus, how I would have been happier. I say, "Hey ya know what's cool about the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory?" And man says, "Huh?" I say, giddily, "They SLICE their caramel apples!" Man looks at me, sans gesture of any kind, and says "Hm, I don't really like caramel apples babe, but that's cool, I guess."
Take for instance my dear friend, who recently started dating again. A whole group of us goes out one night, and this new man in her life decides to meet up with us for a brief time. He hangs out for awhile, then decides to go meet up with some people from work. He tells my friend that he will give her a call, or text, where he's going next. Sounds good right? Right, until it goes horribly wrong! Not only does she end up waiting for him to call for several hours, but he NEVER calls. Later, this man and I end up in a heated conversation about communicating, when he informs me that that night (the night he never called her) doesn't "count" in our argument, because he wasn't communicating, therefore he should not be penalized. My whole argument was that it's annoying when men say they will call or text and then they don't. His argument was something about how men do communicate and how they are great communicators. I can't be sure what his argument was because once he started talking I became disinterested and nothing he said made sense anyway. If you're going to say you're going to call, or text, then do it. I'm just sayin'. It's courteous. It doesn't make man hard to get, or make me enjoy the thrill of the chase, it makes me angry and gives men a bad name. So, stop doing it.
Now, those are only a couple examples. Don't worry, I'm rife with many more, as I certainly cannot stop speaking with man. I have to communicate with him, and in the end, it is quite the learning experience regardless of whether I want to scream, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" at the end of every conversation, or not. So, I will continue to practice, and surely there will be some snafus along the way. I guess it turns out that men might very well be from Mars and women might very well be from Venus. And, here we are living on Earth...just tryin' to get along...
my brain hurts...
j
Today's list: Hilarious quotes from my students for the week...possibly made even funnier by the fact that they are taken completely out of context. (Not in order of hilarity)
1. "That fishie right there is missin' his back toe..." - 4th grader (er...you mean tail?)
2. "You know, when I started at Child Center, I thought I could break you guys (staff). But, I never did. You guys just never break." - a kid getting ready to graduate
3. "I don't want a locker buddy! No way! I hate locker buddy's!" - said by a 4th grader. He won't have to worry about that for awhile!
4. "Man, I am hungry! So hungry! (whines)" I shoot him a "look," and he says, "Oh! That's not going to keep me from doing my work though!" - very smart 7th grader ;o)
5. Student: "The fishies need a bigger tank." Me: "Why?" Student: "Because they need more room." Me: "What do they need more room for?" Student: "They need a place for their bedroom." Me (getting more confused): "Why do they need bedrooms?" Student: "For they can lay down when they are tired of swimmin! Duh!"
6. A student ripping a huge fart yesterday then laughs and says, "Darn!" Darn = wow. He says it when he earns tons of color spots, as well. Occasionally, he will use "darn" in it's correct form.
7. Boy talking to staff about middle school and changing classes throughout the day. Boy says, "Man, I can't wait to have periods..." Oh dear...
8. 4th grade boy to me, "I love you, Judy." Why is this hilarious? It's not, what's funny is that tomorrow he may come in and hate my guts. Ahh well...
9. "You guys are..JERKS!" - 4th grade boy. Ouch. Jerks? Really? That's the best ya got? ;o)~
10. On a comprehension check today. The question reads: What are some of the differences between New York and Yoshiko's hometown? Student-created response: "there are a LOT of differences. they smelt different. they looked different. the whole 9 yards." Ay yay yay....and the 9 yards would be...???
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